Focus....

I devoted 8 minutes to myself today. That was time where I attempted to return to meditation as a healing and necessary discipline. Several times, I had to reel myself back to the images that allow me to meditate peacefully. Several times, I fell back into this stressed out space where my thoughts whirl with anxiety and negative thoughts. I keep asking myself why it is that this time of year is so exhaustively negative, when it should be joyous and energetic and generous? Or is that just our utopian take of what the holidays should be? Was it ever NOT stressed out? I can't remember.

I can only get to a pure and quiet meditative place when I place myself outdoors, at specific places I've been, where nature takes my breath away and leaves me in awe of how gorgeous nature is. It's my calm spot and nothing else drops my blood pressure quite like it, unless, of course, I'm actually  out there, breathing in the amazing sights and smells of the pacific northwest temperate rainforest. But once I'm there, in my meditative place, I can feel its joy. I remember how great it makes me feel. And most of all, I see my kids with me, gleeful with happiness and exclaiming over nature's beauty and how far they want to take this particular trail and can we all run now and please take pictures of those flowers and those trees!! I feel their joy. I feel them and I feel me enjoying them. This parenthood has me pretty wrapped up. My kids are my meditative emotion. I have to remember this, and I have to remember that the negative I emanate at any given time is felt the most by my kids. How did I miss this. And now, how to correct this regularly and NOT forget.

Meditate. It's good for the heart.

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